You may or may not know that there's quite a large age gap between me and MrFacey, 25 years to be exact, and not ashamed of it!

There are alot of people who are shocked when they find out because they think it's about 10 years. After finding out the real difference, they change and it's all of a sudden an issue for them.

Truth be told, we don't notice it. We are very alike and MrFacey is young for his age. There are a few minor things that force us to notice it and there are times we think differently along the way but that doesn't change us as a couple. We love each other more than when we first met.

We do find having to deal with other people's issues with it a big strain. Why should other people's opinions matter though?

I'm very interested to know how everyone here views it. Are you in a relationship with a difference? Do you know someone who is? How do you view them?

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He's 6 years older than me, which is no big deal to people, I think. I know a couple where there is a 20 year gap, with him being the older of the two, and whenever people find out, they raise they eyebrows and you can see them thinking 'got himself a nice young'en there' and sometimes they actually make jokes along this line. This attitude drives me insane as it presumes the woman in the relationship is just a trophy as opposed to a thinking, reasoning, intelligent human being. Argh.

I do think with large age gaps there could be potential problems in the attitudes of those involved towards certain things. But, ya know, love conquers all.

I'd like to hear someone's perpective of when it's the other way round - when it's the woman who is a lot older than her husband/partner.



Oh, and I would like to add, at the risk of sounding sexist, that sometimes a man (more so that woman, I'd hesitantly propose) needs a little longer to mature, so an older man and a younger woman might not really have such a big gap in emotional maturity as you may think.

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I know a couple with a 20 year difference between them and it doesn't bother me. Why should it? I knew about yours and Mr Facey's. But quite honestly, it never changed my views of you. True love is hard to find, and people can spend all the time having issues with it if they want, but at least you guys are happily married. A lot of people are single, divorced, widowed, etc, out there (and in some cases, not happy about it), so I believe people should just be genuinely happy when they see a happy couple. I know I am :) Age doesn't matter.

The people who have issues with you and treat you differently because of it, are a bunch of poopooheads! I'd rather see you happy, than not.

My parents have a age gap of 15 years and it's never affected them. I've always thought it would be weird to be with such an older man...but then i think of my parents and it's not really that strange at all.
However i do think it's more about what kind of people they are. Some couples with huge age gaps might not work out but others would.

I live in a culture where in the past a young teen would get married to a much much older man. Usually it wouldn't affect them (but then they had no choice in the matter) and they'd live happily ever after. Though the woman would spend a good few years as a widow.
Fortunately things have changed now and that's unlikely to happen (well in this country anyway)

Oh and also....who cares what others think! If you're happy with your partner and the age gap then that's all that matters!

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My sister and her partner have an age gap of about 25 years and it doesn't seem to affect them at all. Of course, her partner is also a woman, so they have a whole set of other concerns to worry about on a 'what people think' front.

I never could understand why some people are always so eager to rain on other's parades and stop them being happy. I guess we just have to accept that if you are in a slightly unconventional relationship, people will judge. Mr. Vik and I get it on a very small scale because we are different nationalities. Once, a brother of a friend of Mr. Vik's - someone he hadn't met before, went up to him and shook his hand and said 'hey! You must be (mr.vik) - the one with the foreigner girlfriend!' So I stood up and said 'Hi! I'm the foreigner girlfriend, nice to meet you'.

Being pigeon-holed is never nice.

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I personally have never had an issue with age. I would much rather be loved by someone older than be abused by someone my own age. As a child I watched my mom live through it and that was enough for me. I have always been more comfortable with people older than myself. Not to slam the men here but women I think mature faster and are naturally drawn to older men. I could be wrong just an opinion.

Please note: I am single so Im really not in any position to speak on the subject.

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i dont think age should matter, as long as the person isnt old enough to be your parent!

age is just a state of mind anyway, no one needs to pay much attention in the long run

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You're bang on dot there Vikstar. Which is why people think there is a lesser gap for us. I think that if the couple are of similar emotional maturity, it works out very well.
I agree so much. I think it goes hand in hand with any relationship. Some are compatible, some are not.
rofl You're right though!
If I were to pick an issue that caused me sadness it would be this one. I do realise that I will probably be widowed when I'm around 65, maybe sooner maybe later. I must admit, I kinda lived in denial for quite a while about it but came to the realisation after a while. We've discussed it. What I would do, what he wants me to do and I think that aslong as you do talk about it and keep things like this open, it's ok. It's the denial that harms but it's a easy trap to fall into.

You don't have to answer this but I'm interested to know why that would make a change?

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I must admit, that I do prefer to date an older chap. I once dated a lad 11yrs younger than me, and it was a nightmare. Not saying that all younger chaps are difficult, but the one I picked was!! He had no concept of 'family life', as he knew I had a son. He would expect me to just meet him in the pub on a Wednesday night, when infact, anyone with kids knows that's practically impossible! Older men seem to understand more, and let's face it, most older men aren't that fussed about being in the pub on Wednesday for the Quiz Night!

Love comes in all shapes, sizes and ages.... and I think if you are lucky enough to find true love, then shape, size and age doesn't matter!!

Well a 20-25 year age gap is easily enough to be someone's parent. Why is this an issue?

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I think there's more of a difference that matters (unless it's illegal) pertaining to emotional maturity. If you're on the same wavelength as someone, then compatibility should occur anyway and age is not an issue. I believe where it would be is where someone emotionally immature pairs up with the more mature partner and can sometimes be taken advantage of, they could be manipulated, in theory. However, this regards mindset and not physical age; they could be the same age! I suppose what I'm trying to say is it's not the age that matters... it's the people involved. Facey's always smiling... so there's that point proved in itself. ;)

Oh and as for the trophy. Erm yeah it gets annoying when the guys at his work are like 'good on ya mate' :/ Or there was the time I was introduced as number four He's never done it again though! I think it was a honest mistake tbh didn't stop me going into one. It's really embarassing. Wrong subject though!!

I'm glad Buffs brought up the subject of those who are manipulated. I think it's such a shame and it makes me shudder when I see these young bright females being treated like that. And no, I'm not manipulated, when was the last time I let anyone tell me what to do?!

I'm still very interested to hear from people who have negative feelings about it. All I ever get is people pulling faces and I want to know what's going on in their heads lol

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Not being funny babe, but you do have a problem with age then dont you.
If the relationship is between someone old enough to be your parent, and your happy and secure, then so be it.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Some young people do fall in love with father/ mother figures for the wrong reasons, which isnt for me to slam upon, but on the whole i think love is love, if your happy go for it.
Some people never find love, so when you do grasp it and nerture it and be happy.

i dont have a problem with age. like others have said it's all about your personalities.
however as you've said facey becoming a widow alot earlier would be very painful and i think thats what you scare me the most. having said that surly it's better to spend whatever time you can with the person that is truly your soul mate than none at all just because of that

also there was a couple local to me the bloke was in his early 30's and the woman in her 70's. it made the national news and everything. not sure what i think about that one.

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Give me all the peace and joy in your mind.

Though i don't care about age, i have to admit that my wife is only 6 months younger than I am.
Back when we were "just friends", as she says, she used to tell me that men are really immature and women mature faster. Not saying that this is essentially true, but that was her opinion. I kinda have to agree, as sometimes young lads take a really long time to grow into men. In any case, she said that she'd marry someone that's at least 5 years older, as she thought that a man that much older would be at her maturity level.

Now i tease her about it, and she says that she only agreed to marry me because i'm a premature old man.

Having said that, i believe that in relationships it's not about age, it's about each other. Now in other aspects of life, i find that i relate more easily to people my dad's age (68) than people my own age. I think it's because they're much wiser and know their way around people, and i appreciate that. That and i treat them as i'd like to be treated in the future, like people, not old people.

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in my opinion it shouldnt really matter about age, but that doesnt stop me thinking its weird seeing two people with a massive age gap together...
especially if one of the couple are pretty young, i think the age gap between the couple appears as bigger when this is the case, for example, sorry but i think the idea of a 16 year old and a 41 year old is sickening, where as a 50 year old and a 75 year doesnt seem bad at all.
I also think that when the man is the younger it looks far worse with a much less age gap especially at a younger age again, like for me the idea of even a 18 year girl old being with a 16 year old boy is sickening...
that just my point of view though and i have nothing against age difference in relationships as a whole, it just what it looks like from an outsider who doesnt know either of the couple.

edit: that didnt come out as id hoped :S think i worded it wrong

Yes id agree with that katie, i know i said if your happy go be with a father/mother figure if you like.
But if my daughter was 16, with a 40/ 50 year old man i would feel horrified i suppose, not that id interfear with the decision, id just secretly feel discusted about it.

Yes, I must admit. Seeing a 40yr old and a 17 yr old, to me, puts a wrench in my gut.

For personal reasons, I don't really want to go into it but I've had to deal with this in the very recent past with someone who I love very much and it's been a very bitter pill to swallow. It's all in the past now thank goodness

I sound like such a huge hypocrite!

I think there's such a big difference. For anyone who doesn't know, I'm 24 and we started 'officially' going out when I was 21. We met when I was 19. But I've never seen him as a father figure, I've got such a great dad that I don't need such a figure. They are very alike though, not identical, but I'm not sure if that's just coinsidence or because I love my dad so much.

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i was talking more a long the lines of a 40 year old and a 18 or 19 year old, i think as people get older the age becomes less of an issue because they realise that its more of what's in the heart that matters.. an 18 or 19 year old with someone that's 40 i think is wrong because they would be looking for more of a parent/child relationship than an actual one based on love

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Sorry Rococo but who are we to say what someone is looking for in a relationship. Im my opinion, what does it matter as long as both parties are happy.

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This is an interesting thread, Facey....

One of my best friends was 38 when she married a 24 year old man, and both of them did get a lot of comments all throughout the relationship....mostly people 'joking', but usually (I think) that those sort of jokes tend to reveal a person's real feelings, they just want to say them in a way they think is going to be acceptable. He got the 'toyboy' tag, and some people were quite vocal and confronting about why he would want to be with an 'old' woman.

From her perspective, the age difference caused some...issues originally, in that she had children already from her first marriage, and he wanted more.....she had already past the 'baby' stage and wasn't that keen to go back to it. But it was something they worked out, because of their love for each other.

Heh, finding it difficult to post.....talking about a close friend and wanting to respect her privacy, but trying to give you a perspective from the older woman/younger man side....

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i feel that age difference doesnt matter so much.. i think maturity is more what matters in an issue in this...
my cousin, 20, is with a 38 year old guy and they just had a child together.. they both have mega issues, and my thought is that she hooked with him because she needed someone (she comes from a broken home.. her mother is a crazy b) but he doesnt take responsibility with the child (child was hospitilized a couple of times).
but if the 2 people who are 10, 20 or 30 years apart take their relationshop seriously and love each other as if they were 1, then i have no problem...
just my point of view.. ive never had a boy friend so this is from a strangers point of view..

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Good thread Facey

Having been in a relationship for many years a being the "trophy" as it were, i was 21 and the guy was 38. we were always been stared at and even his very good friends were on at him all the time about what does she in an ole fool like you lol,but a fews years into the relationshop his very best friend who was always nice albiet a little standoffish to me, put his arms around me and apologised because he had put a bet on us not lasting for a full 12 months let alone the 8 years we had together.

It has already been said, if its meant to be then the age doesnt come into it. love is love. and ya cant beat it xxxxxxxx

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