These calls where made to a pc technical help call centre:embarrassed:

This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills!

=================================
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
===============

Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's
still on
my desk... sorry....

===============

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of
the
screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

===============
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and.
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not
Bill Gates.
===============
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every
time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and
placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't
find it...

===============
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: Aaaah...................thank you.
===============
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at
Woolies.
===============
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there
another
keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does
work...

===============
Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in
apple, a
capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?
===============

Customer: can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

===============
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
===============
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen
saver on my
computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

===============
Techsupport: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I
get the
circle around it?

===============
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with
her
printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good
point. The
man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his
printer is
working fine."

===============

Tech support: "Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys
at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.
Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!

Lmao!!! Nice find Jewels :biggrin:

Awwww, some of those are soooo cute :)

I like it when telesales call here, they talk so fast and the background noise is normally so loud that I can't understand a word. It usually ends up with me and the telesales person laughing our butts off trying to understand each other :P

P....... on your keyboard! rofl! :razz:

Nice find :biggrin:

YOU TALKING TO ME!
This was a call from a cell phone call center

Caller: I can't make outbound calls on my cell phone.:mad:
Rep: Do you have the phone with you?
Caller: Yes, I'm talking on it right now.
Rep: The phone is working just fine. You just called me.:embarrassed:
The embarrassed caller quickly hung up.:razz:

Customer: "I've been ringing your call centre on 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?"
Customer: "It was on the door to the travel centre."
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours."


Tech Support: "Customer Support, this is David, may I help you?"
Customer: "Hello, yes, it's me."
Tech Support: "Oh, it's me too." [chuckle]
Customer: "No, Esmie. E, s, m, i, e."
Tech Support: "Oh, sorry."


RAC Motoring Service
Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia?"
Operator: "Doesn't the product give you a clue?"


Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."



Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"


Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support:"Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer:"What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."


Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support: ?!%#$


Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"


Tech Support: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
Customer: "How do you spell that?"


Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?"
Customer: "Pentium."


Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."


Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"

LMAO kissy, Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"


Nearly fell my my chair laughing with this one:razz:

Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support: ?!%#$

Hehehehehe that's funny :razz:

My brother worked at Trieste, a former tech support contractor for Dell Computer. The one most memorable call, sort of, from a very angry angry customer:

My brother: Hi you've reached Dell Tech Support, this is ****** speaking, how can i help you?
Customer: the computer you sold me is a piece of crap.
Brother: Oh i'm sorry to hear that sir, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: I took it out of the box, followed all instructions to set it up and when i pressed the ON buttong this piece of junk won't turn on. I had to drive 200 miles to get this computer, nice work you asses.
Brother: Sir, we're an independent contractor for tech support, we don't make the computer so i'd appreciate if you lower your tone or i will hang up on you.
Customer: alright then, so fix it.
Brother: ok sir, first things first, let's go step by step. If the computer doesn't turn on it must be a power problem. Tell me, is the power cable plugged into the computer?
Customer: well of course it is.
Brother: alright, is the power cable plugged into the power outlet?
Customer: er uh um *click*
Brother: hello? sir?

Customer: "Uhh...I need help unpacking my new PC."
Tech Support: "What exactly is the problem?"
Customer: "I can't open the box."
Tech Support: "Well, I'd remove the tape holding the box closed and go from there."
Customer: "Uhhhh...ok, thanks...."



Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk, and now my A: drive won't work."
Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?"
Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all."
Tech Support: "Did it not install properly? What kind of error messages did you get?"
Customer: "I didn't get any error message. The disk got stuck in the drive and wouldn't come out. So I got these pliers and tried to get it out. That didn't work either."
Tech Support: "You did what sir?"
Customer: "I got these pliers, and tried to get the disk out, but it wouldn't budge. I just ended up cracking the plastic stuff a bit."
Tech Support: "I don't understand sir, did you push the eject button?"
Customer: "No, so then I got a stick of butter and melted it and used a turkey baster and put the butter in the drive, around the disk, and that got it loose. Then I used the pliers and it came out fine. I can't believe you would send me a disk that was broken and defective."
Tech Support: "Let me get this clear. You put melted butter in your A:drive and used pliers to pull the disk out?"
Tech Support: "Just so I am absolutely clear on this, can you repeat what you just said?"
Customer: "I said I put butter in my A: drive to get your crappy disk out, then I had to use pliers to pull it out."
Tech Support: "Did you push that little button that was sticking out when the disk was in the drive, you know, the thing called the disk eject button?"

Silence.

Tech Support: "Sir?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Sir, did you push the eject button?"
Customer: "No, but you people are going to fix my computer, or I am going to sue you for breaking my computer?"
Tech Support: "Let me get this straight. You are going to sue our company because you put the disk in the A: drive, didn't follow the instructions we sent you, didn't actually seek professional advice, didn't consult your user's manual on how to use your computer properly, instead proceeding to pour butter into the drive and physically rip the disk out?"
Customer: "Ummmm."
Tech Support: "Do you really think you stand a chance, since we do record every call and have it on tape?"
Customer: (now rather humbled) "But you're supposed to help!"
Tech Support: "I am sorry sir, but there is nothing we can do for you. Have a nice day."

lol very good 2.0 and tigs..

Not call centres , but insurance claims, that have been submitted to insurance companies.

funny motor insurance claims

"I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it."

Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus?

"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."

"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.

Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early."

"I was driving along when I saw two kangaroos copulating in the middle of the road causing me to ejaculate through the sun roof." (from an Australian claim form - ack N Shepherd)

"The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind."

"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."

"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."

"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."

"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."

"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"

Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature? A: "I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan."

heheehh i cant stop laughing lol

Awwww, some of those are soooo cute :)

I like it when telesales call here, they talk so fast and the background noise is normally so loud that I can't understand a word. It usually ends up with me and the telesales person laughing our butts off trying to understand each other :P

You actually talk to them :O . That's why I use caller ID and my answering machine. If I don't know your number or name, I don't talk!

The following are extracts from complaints letters received by the council from tenants;-

I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think that it was the wind the other night that blew them off.
My lavatory seat is cracked. Where do I stand?
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
50 per cent of the walls are damp, 50 per cent have crumbling plaster and 50 per cent are plain filthy.
I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
Will you please send a man to look at my water. It is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
It's the dog mess I find hard to swallow.
Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round.
I am a single woman living downstairs. Would you do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
I have had the clerk of works down on the floor 6 times but I still have no satisfaction.
This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.
The man next door has an unsightly erection in his front garden.
He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just cant take it anymore.
I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
And their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus.

lol nice finds!


Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.


hahaha, aww the poor guy :razz:

Do you reckon she called her baby B-rick? :razz:

Very funny thread!! :biggrin:

You actually talk to them :O . That's why I use caller ID and my answering machine. If I don't know your number or name, I don't talk!

Wow, Sam, is that why we've never spoken on the phone?

Oh wait... there might be another reason ... I don't have your number! :razz:

An oldie but a goody...sometimes this is what I want to tell the newbies I have helped...



Tech: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

Tech: "What sort of trouble?"

Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

Tech: "Went away?"

Caller: "They disappeared."

Tech: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

Caller: "Nothing."

Tech: "Nothing?"

Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

Tech: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

Caller: "How do I tell?"

Tech: "Can you see the "C" prompt on the screen?"

Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"

Tech: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

Tech: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

Caller: "What's a monitor?"

Tech: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

Caller: "I don't know."

Tech: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

Caller: "...Yes, I think so."

Tech: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

Caller: "...Yes, it is."

Tech: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

Caller: "No."

Tech: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

Caller: "...Okay, here it is."

Tech: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

Caller: "I can't reach."

Tech: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

Caller: "No."

Tech: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."

Tech: "Dark?"

Caller: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

Tech: "Well, turn on the office light then."

Caller: "I can't."

Tech: "No? Why not?"

Caller: "Because there's a power outage."

Tech: "A power... a power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

CUST: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Tech: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"

Tech: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

Tech: "Tell them you're too F***ing stupid to own a computer."

/me falls off her chair laughing

I used to work in customer sevice for a photographic company who developed peoples photos. my collegue Anne received a phone call one day from a little old lady that went like this....

Anne: good morning customers service how may a help
Customer: i think my cameras broken
Anne:what seems to be the problem?
Customer: i took photos of my garden and my pet cat. took them to be developed and when i got them back. they were all of a nose and an eye
Anne(trying not make the old lady feel completely stupid):is there any chance you were holding the camera round the wrong way?

this woman even sent here photos to us to be examined.
lets just say i'm surprised her flash didnt blind her!!!!!

Ha ha, lmao gotta see this link....sent to me by noob
had us in stiches :biggrin:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8d_OpneZAQ