You may or may not know that there's quite a large age gap between me and MrFacey, 25 years to be exact, and not ashamed of it!

There are alot of people who are shocked when they find out because they think it's about 10 years. After finding out the real difference, they change and it's all of a sudden an issue for them.

Truth be told, we don't notice it. We are very alike and MrFacey is young for his age. There are a few minor things that force us to notice it and there are times we think differently along the way but that doesn't change us as a couple. We love each other more than when we first met.

We do find having to deal with other people's issues with it a big strain. Why should other people's opinions matter though?

I'm very interested to know how everyone here views it. Are you in a relationship with a difference? Do you know someone who is? How do you view them?

He's 6 years older than me, which is no big deal to people, I think. I know a couple where there is a 20 year gap, with him being the older of the two, and whenever people find out, they raise they eyebrows and you can see them thinking 'got himself a nice young'en there' and sometimes they actually make jokes along this line. This attitude drives me insane as it presumes the woman in the relationship is just a trophy as opposed to a thinking, reasoning, intelligent human being. Argh.

I do think with large age gaps there could be potential problems in the attitudes of those involved towards certain things. But, ya know, love conquers all.

I'd like to hear someone's perpective of when it's the other way round - when it's the woman who is a lot older than her husband/partner.



Oh, and I would like to add, at the risk of sounding sexist, that sometimes a man (more so that woman, I'd hesitantly propose) needs a little longer to mature, so an older man and a younger woman might not really have such a big gap in emotional maturity as you may think.

I know a couple with a 20 year difference between them and it doesn't bother me. Why should it? I knew about yours and Mr Facey's. But quite honestly, it never changed my views of you. True love is hard to find, and people can spend all the time having issues with it if they want, but at least you guys are happily married. A lot of people are single, divorced, widowed, etc, out there (and in some cases, not happy about it), so I believe people should just be genuinely happy when they see a happy couple. I know I am :) Age doesn't matter.

The people who have issues with you and treat you differently because of it, are a bunch of poopooheads! I'd rather see you happy, than not.

/me hugs Facey

My parents have a age gap of 15 years and it's never affected them. I've always thought it would be weird to be with such an older man...but then i think of my parents and it's not really that strange at all.
However i do think it's more about what kind of people they are. Some couples with huge age gaps might not work out but others would.

I live in a culture where in the past a young teen would get married to a much much older man. Usually it wouldn't affect them (but then they had no choice in the matter) and they'd live happily ever after. Though the woman would spend a good few years as a widow.
Fortunately things have changed now and that's unlikely to happen (well in this country anyway)

Oh and also....who cares what others think! If you're happy with your partner and the age gap then that's all that matters!

My sister and her partner have an age gap of about 25 years and it doesn't seem to affect them at all. Of course, her partner is also a woman, so they have a whole set of other concerns to worry about on a 'what people think' front.

I never could understand why some people are always so eager to rain on other's parades and stop them being happy. I guess we just have to accept that if you are in a slightly unconventional relationship, people will judge. Mr. Vik and I get it on a very small scale because we are different nationalities. Once, a brother of a friend of Mr. Vik's - someone he hadn't met before, went up to him and shook his hand and said 'hey! You must be (mr.vik) - the one with the foreigner girlfriend!' So I stood up and said 'Hi! I'm the foreigner girlfriend, nice to meet you'.

Being pigeon-holed is never nice.

I personally have never had an issue with age. I would much rather be loved by someone older than be abused by someone my own age. As a child I watched my mom live through it and that was enough for me. I have always been more comfortable with people older than myself. Not to slam the men here but women I think mature faster and are naturally drawn to older men. I could be wrong just an opinion.

Please note: I am single so Im really not in any position to speak on the subject.

/me Hushes

i dont think age should matter, as long as the person isnt old enough to be your parent!

age is just a state of mind anyway, no one needs to pay much attention in the long run

an older man and a younger woman might not really have such a big gap in emotional maturity as you may think.
You're bang on dot there Vikstar. Which is why people think there is a lesser gap for us. I think that if the couple are of similar emotional maturity, it works out very well.

However i do think it's more about what kind of people they are. Some couples with huge age gaps might not work out but others would.
I agree so much. I think it goes hand in hand with any relationship. Some are compatible, some are not.

The people who have issues with you and treat you differently because of it, are a bunch of poopooheads!
rofl :biggrin: You're right though!
Though the woman would spend a good few years as a widow.
If I were to pick an issue that caused me sadness it would be this one. I do realise that I will probably be widowed when I'm around 65, maybe sooner maybe later. I must admit, I kinda lived in denial for quite a while about it but came to the realisation after a while. We've discussed it. What I would do, what he wants me to do and I think that aslong as you do talk about it and keep things like this open, it's ok. It's the denial that harms but it's a easy trap to fall into.

i dont think age should matter, as long as the person isnt old enough to be your parent!
You don't have to answer this but I'm interested to know why that would make a change?

I must admit, that I do prefer to date an older chap. I once dated a lad 11yrs younger than me, and it was a nightmare. Not saying that all younger chaps are difficult, but the one I picked was!! He had no concept of 'family life', as he knew I had a son. He would expect me to just meet him in the pub on a Wednesday night, when infact, anyone with kids knows that's practically impossible! Older men seem to understand more, and let's face it, most older men aren't that fussed about being in the pub on Wednesday for the Quiz Night!

Love comes in all shapes, sizes and ages.... and I think if you are lucky enough to find true love, then shape, size and age doesn't matter!!

i dont think age should matter, as long as the person isnt old enough to be your parent!

age is just a state of mind anyway, no one needs to pay much attention in the long run

Well a 20-25 year age gap is easily enough to be someone's parent. Why is this an issue?

I think there's more of a difference that matters (unless it's illegal) pertaining to emotional maturity. If you're on the same wavelength as someone, then compatibility should occur anyway and age is not an issue. I believe where it would be is where someone emotionally immature pairs up with the more mature partner and can sometimes be taken advantage of, they could be manipulated, in theory. However, this regards mindset and not physical age; they could be the same age! I suppose what I'm trying to say is it's not the age that matters... it's the people involved. Facey's always smiling... so there's that point proved in itself. ;)

Oh and as for the trophy. Erm yeah it gets annoying when the guys at his work are like 'good on ya mate' :/ Or there was the time I was introduced as number four :mad: He's never done it again though! I think it was a honest mistake tbh didn't stop me going into one. It's really embarassing. Wrong subject though!!

I'm glad Buffs brought up the subject of those who are manipulated. I think it's such a shame and it makes me shudder when I see these young bright females being treated like that. And no, I'm not manipulated, when was the last time I let anyone tell me what to do?! :twisted:

I'm still very interested to hear from people who have negative feelings about it. All I ever get is people pulling faces and I want to know what's going on in their heads lol

i dont think age should matter, as long as the person isnt old enough to be your parent!

age is just a state of mind anyway, no one needs to pay much attention in the long run
Not being funny babe, but you do have a problem with age then dont you.
If the relationship is between someone old enough to be your parent, and your happy and secure, then so be it.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Some young people do fall in love with father/ mother figures for the wrong reasons, which isnt for me to slam upon, but on the whole i think love is love, if your happy go for it.
Some people never find love, so when you do grasp it and nerture it and be happy.

i dont have a problem with age. like others have said it's all about your personalities.
however as you've said facey becoming a widow alot earlier would be very painful and i think thats what you scare me the most. having said that surly it's better to spend whatever time you can with the person that is truly your soul mate than none at all just because of that

also there was a couple local to me the bloke was in his early 30's and the woman in her 70's. it made the national news and everything. not sure what i think about that one.

Though i don't care about age, i have to admit that my wife is only 6 months younger than I am.
Back when we were "just friends", as she says, she used to tell me that men are really immature and women mature faster. Not saying that this is essentially true, but that was her opinion. I kinda have to agree, as sometimes young lads take a really long time to grow into men. In any case, she said that she'd marry someone that's at least 5 years older, as she thought that a man that much older would be at her maturity level.

Now i tease her about it, and she says that she only agreed to marry me because i'm a premature old man.

Having said that, i believe that in relationships it's not about age, it's about each other. Now in other aspects of life, i find that i relate more easily to people my dad's age (68) than people my own age. I think it's because they're much wiser and know their way around people, and i appreciate that. That and i treat them as i'd like to be treated in the future, like people, not old people.

in my opinion it shouldnt really matter about age, but that doesnt stop me thinking its weird seeing two people with a massive age gap together...
especially if one of the couple are pretty young, i think the age gap between the couple appears as bigger when this is the case, for example, sorry but i think the idea of a 16 year old and a 41 year old is sickening, where as a 50 year old and a 75 year doesnt seem bad at all.
I also think that when the man is the younger it looks far worse with a much less age gap especially at a younger age again, like for me the idea of even a 18 year girl old being with a 16 year old boy is sickening...
that just my point of view though and i have nothing against age difference in relationships as a whole, it just what it looks like from an outsider who doesnt know either of the couple.

edit: that didnt come out as id hoped :S think i worded it wrong

in my opinion it shouldnt really matter about age, but that doesnt stop me thinking its weird seeing two people with a massive age gap together...
especially if one of the couple are pretty young, i think the age gap between the couple appears as bigger when this is the case, for example, sorry but i think the idea of a 16 year old and a 41 year old is sickening, where as a 50 year old and a 75 year doesnt seem bad at all.
I also think that when the man is the younger it looks far worse with a much less age gap especially at a younger age again, like for me the idea of even a 18 year girl old being with a 16 year old boy is sickening...
that just my point of view though and i have nothing against age difference in relationships as a whole, it just what it looks like from an outsider who doesnt know either of the couple.

edit: that didnt come out as id hoped :S think i worded it wrong
Yes id agree with that katie, i know i said if your happy go be with a father/mother figure if you like.
But if my daughter was 16, with a 40/ 50 year old man i would feel horrified i suppose, not that id interfear with the decision, id just secretly feel discusted about it.

Yes, I must admit. Seeing a 40yr old and a 17 yr old, to me, puts a wrench in my gut.

For personal reasons, I don't really want to go into it but I've had to deal with this in the very recent past with someone who I love very much and it's been a very bitter pill to swallow. It's all in the past now thank goodness :smile:

I sound like such a huge hypocrite!

I think there's such a big difference. For anyone who doesn't know, I'm 24 and we started 'officially' going out when I was 21. We met when I was 19. But I've never seen him as a father figure, I've got such a great dad that I don't need such a figure. They are very alike though, not identical, but I'm not sure if that's just coinsidence or because I love my dad so much.

Well a 20-25 year age gap is easily enough to be someone's parent. Why is this an issue?

i was talking more a long the lines of a 40 year old and a 18 or 19 year old, i think as people get older the age becomes less of an issue because they realise that its more of what's in the heart that matters.. an 18 or 19 year old with someone that's 40 i think is wrong because they would be looking for more of a parent/child relationship than an actual one based on love

Sorry Rococo but who are we to say what someone is looking for in a relationship. Im my opinion, what does it matter as long as both parties are happy.

This is an interesting thread, Facey....

One of my best friends was 38 when she married a 24 year old man, and both of them did get a lot of comments all throughout the relationship....mostly people 'joking', but usually (I think) that those sort of jokes tend to reveal a person's real feelings, they just want to say them in a way they think is going to be acceptable. He got the 'toyboy' tag, and some people were quite vocal and confronting about why he would want to be with an 'old' woman.

From her perspective, the age difference caused some...issues originally, in that she had children already from her first marriage, and he wanted more.....she had already past the 'baby' stage and wasn't that keen to go back to it. But it was something they worked out, because of their love for each other.

Heh, finding it difficult to post.....talking about a close friend and wanting to respect her privacy, but trying to give you a perspective from the older woman/younger man side....

/me is a toyboy

/me slaps the "ToyBoy"

i feel that age difference doesnt matter so much.. i think maturity is more what matters in an issue in this...
my cousin, 20, is with a 38 year old guy and they just had a child together.. they both have mega issues, and my thought is that she hooked with him because she needed someone (she comes from a broken home.. her mother is a crazy b) but he doesnt take responsibility with the child (child was hospitilized a couple of times).
but if the 2 people who are 10, 20 or 30 years apart take their relationshop seriously and love each other as if they were 1, then i have no problem...
just my point of view.. ive never had a boy friend so this is from a strangers point of view..

Good thread Facey

Having been in a relationship for many years a being the "trophy" as it were, i was 21 and the guy was 38. we were always been stared at and even his very good friends were on at him all the time about what does she in an ole fool like you lol,but a fews years into the relationshop his very best friend who was always nice albiet a little standoffish to me, put his arms around me and apologised because he had put a bet on us not lasting for a full 12 months let alone the 8 years we had together.

It has already been said, if its meant to be then the age doesnt come into it. love is love. and ya cant beat it xxxxxxxx

I'm very interested to know how everyone here views it. Are you in a relationship with a difference? Do you know someone who is? How do you view them?

God Facey! what a super thread.

Are you in a relationship with a difference?
not age though!
I wish i was brave enough comment :cry:

My personal thought is that it is fine to have an age gap but i don't like the whole teenager thing with a man or woman in there 30s up.
That to me is totally wrong as the teen is not mature enough and the adult must have a problem with not being able to sustain a relationship with another adult. just gives me the creeps.
but i think people in there 20s are mature enough to understand the implacations of a relationship with a much older person.
There thats my 2pence worth.

My sister's fella is about 12years her senior I think. We take the mick all the time, but no one is really bothered.

I've got no issues with age gaps. I wish I had because this thread is far too much in agreement for a debate for my liking. lol


Please note: I am single so Im really not in any position to speak on the subject.

/flirt Brighter :razz:

God Facey! what a super thread.

Are you in a relationship with a difference?
not age though!
I wish i was brave enough comment :cry:

That's damn intriguing, Ashiana... you can't leave it there! :)

My personal thought is that it is fine to have an age gap but i don't like the whole teenager thing with a man or woman in there 30s up.
That to me is totally wrong as the teen is not mature enough and the adult must have a problem with not being able to sustain a relationship with another adult. just gives me the creeps.
but i think people in there 20s are mature enough to understand the implacations of a relationship with a much older person.
There thats my 2pence worth.

Prepare for 'what makes a 20yr old more mature than a 19yr old' questions, but I tend to agree. I'm 25 and I'm no more mature than when I was 16 ;)

oooo good thread facey:smile:

well i dont think age matters at all (as long as there legal lol) like lotts said it is bout the personailty etc n some younger people these days are more mature for there age. believe me i no:razz:. i think aslong as u have things in common n get on well and share the same interests it will work out lol again this is comin from personal experience:razz:

altho for a woman seeing a younger man there called by some people a cradle snatcher lol :S but for younger men seeing an older woman they get a pat on the back from there mates lmao whats that about:P but things like that u shouldnt let get in the way of ur relationship n just ignore what other people say coz at the end of the day its ur choice n ur business no1 elses.

The one relationship I've had had an 8 year age difference, myself being the older party, and in the 6 years it lasted I can't remember there ever being a problem or issue arise because of it... in fact barely even a comment. Granted, that's mainly because most people looking at us would never have even realised there was such a difference since I don't look/act/think/feel my age. People who didn't know eventually found out, and it just never mattered to anybody.

I always seem to have gotten along well with people younger than myself, and even now (going on 32) my circle of friends ranges from ~24-27. Basically as long as those involved are happy and content with the way things are, little else should matter imo.

Thank you Facey for this good issue. I am in love with a man who is 28 whereas I am 18 but it's not a problem for me. I'll get him!:-)

Ha! Well. I can't say I'm a big pro-huge age gaps. (And that's fine, you guys can bag me out all you want... for being, err... age-ist). I'm not sure I've encountered it heaps. My friend at 18, was dating a 28 yr old once. And she copped a lot of flack about that. I think the problem with huge age gaps is the younger you are the worse it looks. (THIS MAY BE MY OPINION ABOUT IT THOUGH!) For example, there was 10 years between my friend and this guy, and she copped heaps of flack from people we knew. But my Aunt and Uncle who are 10 or so years apart (10 - 12, can't remember exactly) I'd have not noticed had I not been told. I'm not saying it to be rude or anything but I think big gaps are all about commitment and compatibility. And I think you've got to be tough, to take it on!!! Because all the hating you get from judgemental people is horrid!
It's nice, we live in such a prejudiced society and all ;-) Bless our hearts and our pre-conceived ideas about how everything is going to be.
My last boyfriend was 24, and while that was only 6 years the age gap totally didn't even equate into things!!!
My friend from work said to me the other day "10 Years is my limit". And I can understand that. She's 18. So many differences can occur between 18 and 28! Anyway. This post got really long and I hadnt said what I was going to say. OH - I wasn't trying to offend anyone. Facey =) I lubs you - And you go girl!!! Woo your man! Ha! ;-) Just kidding. =) As long as you love them! Who cares!!!

Oh and lovely thread by the way - Although, is to be expected from such a lovely like you hehe :smile:!

awe ty b! You're a lovely too :biggrin:

Ok, let's drum up the heat in here :razz:

What if...there was a teenage girl who was put into the care of a 30 yr old (a friend of the family and well-trusted) because her parents moved away and she wanted to stay in the area but they later on, while living in the same property, became an item?

Would it be wrong then or ok because they were 'in love'?

How old are we saying this teenager is. I mean, at 19 (going on my parents opinions) she's an adult and has the right to do what she wants. At say, 13, her parents have placed her there, and still her primary guardians and have put her there because they trust and think this man is a responsible and trustworthy person to care for their child.
In my opinion, in either case, the gentleman in this situation has A) Betrayed the parents faith and trust in his ability to provide care for the child and B) In my personal opinion, failed in his duty to provide care for the child because his emotion and feelings have taken control.
That said. I think the term 'in love' is so flimsy when used by a teenager of say 13 - 17. How many relationships do they have in a month where they say they loved him? For a 30 yr old, love would be a lot heavier, meaning more. Although, maybe Im wrong here. Eh. =)
I think Im out of things to say =P

Baby hit the nail on the head - It doesn't matter unless it's not legal. At 13 and placed in a position of care, from a legal standpoint it places the "carer" in a position of power over the minor and therefore regardless of how they may feel, any partnership/relationship would be unlawful. Even up to age 18 this would remain the same, in the circumstances Facey placed before us. Unless you come from Arkansas, in which case anything goes.

Mrs BM is 8 year older than me, but certainly doesn't look it. Her mum's husband is 4 years younger than her and her grandmother's 4th husband is 12 years younger than her!

What happened to the first three? The first two died from eating poisoned mushrooms and the third from a fractured skull (he didn't like mushrooms):twisted:

Age really has been no barrier for any of us. So it's really all mind over matter - if you don't mind - it don't matter.

Ok, so what if the relationship didn't happen until she was 18? It would be legal then.

Personally, even if it was 'legal', I still would find it extremely disturbing. The bloke would've been classed as a temporary carer, a parental figuire, and crossing that line goes way beyond my level of acceptance. The thought if it creeps me out LOL!

But, even if teenage love is 'flimsy', does that really mean we can stand in judgement? What if their feelings were real? Or what if the girl had planned it to be that way because she had feelings for this guy and saw an opening? Because she would go to those lengths, does that confirm how strong her feelings are or that she's just scheming? And what if someone made their life hell for it?

I'm 17, and at the moment single, but I have been in relationships and have always preferred more mature guys. Here's a secret, but as a kid and in my early teen years I used to have real big crushes on such older men. I'm over it now, but as I'm growing up I realize that someday, if I do find the "right" guy for me, him being older should be just fine, but right now because I'm still a teenager and don't even consider myself mature yet (emotionally), I don't think it's a good idea. Legal issues, generation gap, maturity differences, etc. etc.

When you're young and a kid/teenager, and possibly even in your 20s, the age difference is a whole lot more important, because of the generation gap, and personal experiences and maturity - physical and emotional. Not everyone realizes it, but I think you have to look out for it. That's just my opinion.

Ive said earlier on this topic that i am all in favour of any age relationships as long as they are built on love.
But i got to thinking, what about an older person who entraps a younger more unstable person, in to a relationship that all about control.
The older man / women keeps there younger partner interested with minimal love and tons of mental abuse, the younger person can not see whats going on due to immaturity, and fright of loseing someone they think they know.
To all outsiders, the relationship looks nice healty and calm, behind closed doors, the victims family / friends cant see the real story, so in this situation NOOOO its very wrong to have that age gap, ok it can happen to older people to, mental abuse ect, but i find if the younger one is like 19 18 ect, and the older one being say 30,s 40,s and maybe has childern as well, then get the hell out of there.:cry:

I think when the younger of the two is 17/18/19 it doesn't really matter if the older is just a few years their senior, it is still a bit too old, depending on the people involved of course.

I met my first proper boyfriend when I was 17 and he was a few years older, and we went out for two years. The relationship changed very much in those two years and ended when it did because even just at 19 I was no longer the person I had been when I was 17 years old.

When the relationship started, I was very much the weaker of the two, and he would always get his own way with things like, oh I dunno, choosing a movie to go and see at the cinema. Little things like that, really, which suited his personality. As I got older though, my natural character started to come through, and I started putting my foot down about things, and he didn't like it at all, so the relationship broke up.

I think a teenager can have a relationship with an older person, so long as control isn't involved - so long as one party isn't weak and the other strong, and that goes for all relationships, really.

This extract is taken from The Canterbury Tales (/flirt Chaucer) and I think he got it spot on.

Love wol nat been constreyned by maistrye;
Whan maistrie comth, the God of Love anon
Beteth hise wynges, and farewel, he is gon!
Love is a thyng as any spirit free.

It means that love cannot function in an environment of power and control. When these things come into it, suddenly the God of love beats his wings, and farewell, he is gone. Love is a free spirit.

I think a power struggle in a relationship will end it much faster than an age gap, but that sometimes the two come hand in hand.

So it's really all mind over matter - if you don't mind - it don't matter.

i agree u cant help who you fall in love with at the end of the day. i fell for someone younger than me n personally we got on great we have the same sense of humor n have similar personalities doesnt mean im immature or is he:smile:. at the end of the day u cant help who you fall for whether it be someone older than you or younger it shouldnt matter either way as far as im concerned ( as long as there legal of course)

Good thread, Facey.
I've never had anything personally against people who had "May-December" relationships, and we've had a number of friends whose spouses are more than 10 years younger/older. It's all about compatibility, and having the same interests. That being said, it's often hard to have the same interests as someone much older or younger than you, due to physical limitations (older) or possibly education level (younger). I hate to see it when men select their very-much-younger wives based strictly on physical appearance, what happens if she becomes disfigured? Basically, I'm all for love, regardless of age, as long as it is for the right reasons.

Well, guys and gals, it's all great that you believe that age never matters so long as nobody minds. I've had some girl friends at 16 who got together with guys who were 19 and 20. In the end, they broke up, but here's the thing: a.) the girl would always think it was love, but the guy, just lust. B.) the girls each thought they were more mature than they really were. They still think that. And c.) the girls would keep it secret from their parents because of their own family values! (Legal issues, too, I bet.) Each girl got their heart broken and betrayed their families.

3 to 4 years may NOT seem like a big difference to adults, when comparing one adult's age to another's, but kids learn faster. We mature much quicker, develop MUCH faster. One 14-year-old could go almost completely through puberty by the time they're 17. We could experience lifetime events as a kid or learn VERY important lessons within 3 to 4 years. Our personality or personal style or view on life could change entirely. Those are just examples. Adults are finished with their rapid learning/developing stages and physically develop much slower. We have our major differences, teens and adults.

I'm still strong on my opinion that as a child, teen or very young adult, age difference is much more important (and should be taken more seriously and with more concern) than to adults and older people. Some people will disagree with me, but (especially regarding kids/teens), I link age with experience and common knowledge/common sense. Younger kids are more vulnerable, manipulatable (is that a word?) and less mature. Us teens still don't know the world out there, even if we claim we do. Of course there are few exceptions, but generally I would say kids are more trusting and could fall for things more easily. None of those, I hope, are typically good qualities in a partner.

I would not recommend kids my age to get into serious romantic relationships with older people. Adults dating older adults, though, I can accept, because they can relate to more things, they have more experiences, and when they don't know what they're doing, they actually admit it.

In case you were wondering, this is a topic I'm really interested in. :P

Sketches, you have some very good insight on the topic. You are absolutely right when it comes to the teenage years, any more than a couple of years difference between ages is a huge amount. You learn so much in those years, and can be taken advantage of before you have learned what you need to know. I'm impressed with your insight, hope you can help educate some of your peers.

...Hey, thanks!

Thought I'd may as well post in here :P

Myself and Mr Nerdy have 10 years between us. He's 33. I'm 23. I grew up telling myself that I'd want to be with someone just a few years older than me or something, because I used to believe that was best in terms of having things in common, etc (bearing in mind, this is how I used to think, in my teens). A mate of mine wanted to introduce me to Mr Nerdy, but first told me his age - 33. I was like.. hmm.. I'm 23, but I look 12. lol. He and I weren't orginally going to meet up because of that.. sort of, LOL.

Mr Nerdy ended up looking much younger, anyway. He looks around 26/27. I remember when I first told people that I met a guy, and that he was 10 years older than myself, without seeing him yet, a few people reacted, "wow, he's old". I fell for Mr Nerdy straight away - the first time I saw him. Just goes to show age isn't everything. You end up falling for the person you fall for. Nothing can stop those emotions and feelings. I never thought I'd end up settling down with someone 10 years older than myself. But hey, gotta take the good things that come to you :D The things that make you happy. I don't give a monkeys about anyone's feelings anymore. Some may still raise an eyebrow if they want. But I know what's best for myself, and I know that I'm happy. So that's all that matters to me :)

I've always believed that people should be careful about what they say or feel regarding a happy couple's relationship. People are quick to judge. Forgetting that people are happy. I do believe in the saying "what goes around comes around". I should hope people are very careful when they diss a big gap relationship - thinking it will end soon, etc. People should stop and see the success of the relationship, rather than the age. I'd hate for someone to diss the age gap between me and Mr Nerdy, and then finding that they end up having a divorce with their partner.. :eek: I've never been the sort to judge. It's just really nice seeing people happy :) You hear so many negative stories, that when the positive ones come about, I really wish that couple all the happiness in the world!

I don't think age is an issue when you're per se, much older, rather than if you were younger.

Take for instance MsNerdy (not picking on you, you're just the last to post :P)
If let's say.. your husband was 18.. that would have made you 8. Yea..


So to say, Age really doesn't matter.. it only matters if you're underage :P
(well except if you're 18:17, or 19:17, etc.)

Very interesting thread topic, one that comes up often. I think saying that age doesn't matter is more of an idealistic point of view. Essentially to a certain extent it does matter. Despite saying that, I have no problem when people are in a relationship with a minute or a significat age difference. The choice that is made by those two people shouldn't be a concern of mine, nor would I make it my life to depict the flaws or to judge.

To me, and my relationships it does matter quite a bit. But it definitely, like many of you had said depends on the people. I've been in a number of relationships where the person I was with was older. Although I didn't feel the age difference, subconsciously it bothered me. After a point, it just makes me wonder what is it that is common between people with such diverse time frame of growing up and experience. Probably the determining factor would definitely be love. If it is true love, which in my opinion is very rare, then it shouldn't matter. Should definitely be something that's taken in consideration though. Divorce rates being so high should definitely consider the future and not just the present moment and feelings, how the age gap will affect the children (getting to spend equal amount of time with both parent), being widowed at an early age. I think this goes far beyond the whole "right or wrong thing", but mainly it's such an issue because of all the stereotypes and what is "normal" for people.

I dont think that age matters as much as it does when you're in your teen years. Cuz parents dont want their 18 or younger daughter going out with someone who is 10 years older than them, even 3 years will make their father get mad and bothered. But as you get older like in your 20's it wont matter as much because you are on your own and your parents cant control you anymore. I feel that if you really truly love someone it doesnt matter about the age difference. If you love them and they love you then be together and dont stop it just cuz people are telling you that he/she is too old for you.

But on the otherhand, I do agree with Ksenia(CarrotCake) about having both your parents for the same amount of time. I personally would not want my future children to be without me and/or their mother so i dont really want someone who is too far from my age. And I dont want a divorce cuz yaa that would leave them without a father figure in their life or a stepfather. And i dont want another guy raising my kids. Well anyways thats my feelings on this discussion.

Though i don't care about age, i have to admit that my wife is only 6 months younger than I am.
Back when we were "just friends", as she says, she used to tell me that men are really immature and women mature faster. Not saying that this is essentially true, but that was her opinion. I kinda have to agree, as sometimes young lads take a really long time to grow into men. In any case, she said that she'd marry someone that's at least 5 years older, as she thought that a man that much older would be at her maturity level.

Now i tease her about it, and she says that she only agreed to marry me because i'm a premature old man.


Sorry to pick at your comment, 2.0, but if you don't mind... here are my thoughts on this gender/maturity thing...

This is a late response, but I think unless there's some kind of proof, or it's a cultural thing (gender behavior varies from one culture to another), or it's some other type of variable, I am going to disagree with your wife there. A lot - and I mean a LOT - of girls my age believe they are "mature" for their age, including ALL of my best friends. And I do know a few guys who believe they are "mature" for their age, again, a couple my good friends. These kids are generally 14ish to 18 years old.

I think they're just being immature by telling people that they're so mature. By the way, a LOT more girls I know think they're more mature than guys our age. Or they think they mature faster, or something similar. Most girls I know look for older men to date (as I had mentioned in an earlier post here that I've had 16-year-old girlfriends who dated guys in their 20s), whether it is from a few months apart to - as you said, 2.0 - about five years apart.

All of that is crap to me.

It might be a gender thing (your wife), it might be an age thing (Back when we were "just friends", as she says), or it might be something else entirely. Generally, kids my age and people in their 20s claim that we are more mature than others in our age group. That's a fact (although we aren't actually more mature than the rest). Most girls I have met, from 14 to 18 or so, claim they are more mature than guys, OR instead they claim that "guys are immature." Their claim is not a fact, but this is just an observation that's stuck with me for a while.

I think it varies person to person, as I think you also mentioned later in your post. Also, I think the illusion-of-maturity thing is just something that a lot of young adults seem to go through. Women might stick with the idea longer. *Shrug.*

I apologize if I took your wife's comment too seriously, or if I sound at all biased, but as you can probably tell, this is more of a personal type of thing, since a LOT, LOT, LOT of girls in my life had said they mature faster than guys! BULL!

I'd agree with Sketches there. I remember thinking it when I was a teenager too, but looking back I was very immature, just imitating adults without really understanding some aspects of adulthood. But hey, this is the way we learn - I think it's the first step.

I think being sensible and practical is often mistaken for being mature. I think a lot of girls are generally more sensible than boys during teenage and are more willing to accept responsibility and to take some authority. Girls rebel with their apperance whereas boys often do it in slightly more extreme ways. Of course, this is not true in all cases, but I think it's true for the majority.

So yeah, whereas girls do mature physically faster than boys, I think emotional maturity comes from life experience and personality as well to a certain extent in that how each individual reacts to their experiences.

Yes id agree that maturity depends on the person not the gender.
My daughter is 15 and acts like a 12 year old at times, she thinks shes a big woman but cant sometimes do the basics, like keep her things clean and tidy ect.
Being mature for your age to me means, you know right from wrong, you know when to shut up, you can clean your stuff without being told ten times an hour, you can except your wrong instead of argueing the toss ect.
Immature teenagers do none of the above without a fight or haveing a strop, there are teens who do act nicely like i have said above they are an exception the the rule, as the behavior i pointed out is typical teenage growing pains is it not.
So id say you mature when you mature, dont rush it to grow up, learn slowly about life so mistakes are minimal.