I thought it would be nice to share moments in your life that I call 'defining moments' - moments where you learn something about yourself, or define who you are as a person.

One of mine occurred when my kids were aged 4, 2 and 1, and I was driving them somewhere in the car when a HUGE huntsman spider crawled across the ceiling right above my head. 4 year old started screaming hysterically and pulled herself into a foetal position in the back seat, 2 yr old started screaming hysterically and tried to unbuckle his seatbelt, and 1 yr old started screaming simply because the other two were.

Once I realised what they were screaming about, I had to pull over to a safe spot (keeping in mind that arachnophobia is a normal state of mind for me), get the three of them out of the car, actually having to lean UNDER the spider to unbuckle them and drag the 4 yr old out, whilst trying to keep the 2 yr old from running maniacally onto a busy road AND trying to remain calm whilst my heart was racing uncontrollably at the thougt of that damn spider dropping onto MY back.....

Then, I had to get the spider out of the car.....and try to remain calm so as not to raise the hysteria level of the kids even more.

This was a defining moment for me because the full weight of parental responsibility rested with me - there was absolutely no-one else to help. I learnt that I could rise above my own terror to keep my children safe.

Saph
xx

Defining moment: reaching the top of Mt Wellington in the 'Point to Pinnacle' ..er...'fun'run. This goes from Wrest Point Casino to the peak of Mt Wellington - 21.5km, with the last 10 of them being up the mountain (rising to 4000ft above sea level), and is one of the most challenging and scenic fun runs Tasmania has to offer.

The defining moment was the exhiliration of crossing the line and reaching a goal I had set myself and trained for for 12 months.

Your spider one had chills running up my spine. This sounds really silly to a non-arachnophobe, but I honestly don't know how you did that. When I was younger, a garden spider would have me in hysterics, hyperventilation, and sometimes out cold on the floor. I've gotten better since then and I can stay calm around most spiders, but I have heard about Huntsman spiders and they are the sole (if incredibly stupid) reason I can not visit your part of the world. Large spiders here (about 10cms across) leave me adrenalin pumped and shaking for hours - and that's just seeing one. My palms were sweating just reading your post. The worst thing about it is people who are just a bit scared, or people who aren't fightened at all of spiders just cannot understand this. I've lost count of how many times I've heard 'it's more scared of you than you are of it' and 'they are really totally harmless' - this is an irrational fear. It by-passes your brain and just goes straight for your reflexive reactions. I really want to get some help about this, but I don't know how to start. One of my biggest fears for the future is that sometimes like what happened to you happening to me, and not being able to deal with it. I think what you did is one of the bravest things I have ever heard - really. I know that sounds ridiculos to some people reading this, but unless you have a true phobia, you can't understand.

My defining moment was probably upping sticks and moving to a different country where I couldn't even speak the language, with the sole reason being persuing true love.

/me hands out the sick bags.

Spiders! Aaah! I just did a search to see what they looked like. Why I did that is beyond me, but I regret it! Wow, Saph good for you. I'm not sure if I could do such a thing, I'm still trembling about it. I have a huge phobia too, but not as much as Vik it seems, xx.

Hmm.. defining moment. Not really a moment, but I started getting seizures about 2 and a half years ago. My last few seizures were actually towards the end of my degree, which I was doing from home. And I also started getting some eye problems (which I've had from birth, anyway - so they come and go). Nevermind that, but I remember in my final year of my degree, while I was trying to do my dissertation project, I was under severe stress (I still don't understand how I got through it). The doctors did something with my eyes at the eye hospital to see if the eye treatment was going to be okay for me. And a few days after that, I had a seizure (I guess all the testing was too much, or something), and that really messed up my schedule. But most of all, I had an eye treatment that I had to go in for 2 days before my project was due! So I was busy trying to complete my project because I wouldn't be able to work after my eye treatment.

I guess it's just wild thinking back to that last month of my degree. Seizures, eye problems and severe stress. Not only that, but I was having appointments from with my neurologist at one hospital, and then with optometrists at another hospital - while everyone was trying to work out what an earth was wrong with me, lol. To this day I'm not sure how I got through it without breaking! And I really mean that. Sometimes we go through tough times, and we look back at it later wondering how we even did it. That's probably been the only time that I've been 100% proud of myself. It's not something I'll forget easily either because I came out with a 2:1 for my degree, and that just blows me away. I did better than I thought I would/could under those conditions.

Not only that, but I have to say the seizures have defined who I am as a person. It's changed me a lot, it's given me a lot. But most of all, to be grateful for the conditions you have, because people out there are going through much worse. So patience is everything. We shouldn't complain about what we have, it plays a big role into who we are <3.

Nerdy WOW! I agree with you totally - sometimes I look back at particular periods of my life and wonder how on Earth I got through them intact!
It is our uniqueness and our experiences that define us - I married a man who had been married previously and had quite a tumultous time. He used to complain about the wasted years, but I would say - he wouldn't be the person that I fell in love with if he hadn't come through that - those experiences shaped and defined who he was.

And Vik - are you telling me that some people aren't arachnophobes? I don't believe you!!! To move to another country and leave everything behind in the pursuit of happiness is awesome, and incredibly brave. Whiiiiit Wooooo!
Love Saph
xx

Okay 2 weeks ago, I watched my 8 year old daughter play her first game of netball, expecting to see a clumsy, uncoordinated littel girl on the court. She is a tall and not a dainty girl - always has been, and as a pre-schooler was quite uncoordinated.

Well, she was awesome. She caught the ball easily, passed it neatly and even shot a goal!

The defining moment here was that I suddenly saw her in a new light.
I learnt that it is easy to carry perceptions and assumptions about people without realising they may have changed.

The defining moment here was that I suddenly saw her in a new light.
I learnt that it is easy to carry perceptions and assumptions about people without realising they may have changed.

That's so true! Especially for people you've known for a while.
Same goes the other way around. When people still expect you to be like this-or-that while you've actually changed.

And I don't mind spiders too much, but... A huntsman spider in your car?! Did you open the passenger door on the other end and hit it with a rolled up magazine? You're not going to tell me you picked it up!

My defining moment....
My son was 2(a month before he turned 3) and my younger son was 6 months. Driving to work, I rush a yellow turn light before it turns green for the other drivers. I lose. Their light turns green and a tow truck doesn't slow down to make sure everyone is finished turning. Tbones me and pushes me into a light post.
I suffer a ruptured spleen, baby gets nothing but scratches. 2 yr old has head smashed with door, fractured skull, laceration down the side of his face, C1 spinal fracture, 2 jaw breaks. Spends the next 2 months in and out of the hospital for initial injuries, scar tissue in his throat(causing him to stop breathing) seizures, and a few other things. Under went 4 plastic surgeries over the next 5 yrs, 5 surgeries for the scar tissue in the throat.
My defining moment....Never take your children for granted or ANYTHING for granted. You could lose it all in the snap of your fingers.
But he was a fighter, pulled through, pulled out his own breathing tubes, and trooped on. Everyone said he wouldn't make it. He's my hero...my little miracle. He showed me to never believe what others think is true...but to believe in the unbelievable.

Wow! Awwww, that must have been so scary! So glad he pulled through. What a special kid you have there, FTM :)

It's quite scary the little things that happen with a snap of a finger... or could happen.. I remember during one of my seizures, I was standing up and if it wasn't for my sis AJ (acting fast, catching me, and taking care of me), I would have landed head first into the radiator (and you can imagine the injuries that would have come from that..). She likes to remind me that she's my hero. Lol, I think I just did her defining moment for her ;o) (she's very brave and can act fast when she needs to! Puuurfect reflexes, lol)

The defining moment here was that I suddenly saw her in a new light.
I learnt that it is easy to carry perceptions and assumptions about people without realising they may have changed.

How very true. I think we're all guilty of doing that to at least one person in our lives. But it's always so great seeing people change those perceptions and proving you wrong. :)

Long post, but gotta set the scene:

Baby son is 6 months old and it is my first day at my new job - teaching a class of seniors basic computer use (including Windows, Word, Excel, etc).
He is in child care for the first time and seperates really badly, so he is screaming when I leave him.

The class has 20 elderly people who are frightened of touching any buttons on the computer for fear of blowing it up, one woman who requires special software to read the screen (which I have never heard of but have to set up for her) and one man with a dickey heart.
I am nervous coz its my first time back at work after 6 months off, I am upset coz my baby was screaming when I left him.

The server goes down about half way into the class so we can't use the computers, the man with the dickey heart wanders off to the toilet and is not seen again til I have to call an ambulance coz someone found him collapsed on the floor. I teach for 3 hours without a break, coz Im trying to get this software working for the blind lady. By this time (as Im still fully breastfeeding baby), my boobs are so big and hard and painful I want to just cut them off. The class finally ends, and all I can think of is what is looming ahead as I get rid of this milk, then pick up the kids from child care, then have to go home and cook.......the rest of the day seems unbearable at this point.

I pick up my baby who has screamed the whole time I have been away, and my 3 yr old who is upset because she fell over and scraped her knee. I get home, boobs still requiring surgery to stop the pain, and leaking everywhere, trying to carry baby, creche bags, my bag with all my training material in it, 3 yr old clinging onto my leg so I'm dragging one leg behind me like I don't know what, starving because I haven't eaten for 6 hours, and dreading the next hour having to get tea ready for the family.

I open the front door, and the smell of cooking meat wafts down the hallway. Hubby is in the kitchen cooking.

Defining moment: I loved my husband at that moment MORE than I ever have. Looking back at it, remembering birthdays, anniverseries etc are all important, but the simple act of him cooking so that I didn't have to on that day after all that had happened, and the way I was feeling, was the most powerful feeling of love that I have ever felt. It's the day to day caring gestures that matter the most.

Saph
xx

i've been quite sheltered my entire life. nothing majorly horrible has ever happened that has been permanently damaging.

like FTM, my sister and i got t-boned. nowhere near as bad, though.

we were leaving a Chinese New Year party early because we didn't feel like socializing with all the adults and our family had taken two cars. we came to a four-way stop. my sister didn't see anything, i didn't see anything, so she started turning left. out of nowhere, this car that didn't have its lights on comes hurtling out of the dark. i remember thinking "oh, it'll just be a small bump...."

nope. it was a huge BOOM. we got jerked in the seatbelts, the van nearly fell on its side... it slid fifteen meters sideways and hit a pole in the middle of the street. the airbag on my sister's side popped out.

first thought: whoa.
second thought: my sister. i asked if she was alright, and she replied that she was in a dazed voice.
third thought: the people/person in the other car.

[holy crap, i'm shaking all over and my teeth are chattering just thinking of this again.]

so, i opened the door (since it wasn't my side that had been hit) and sort of ran in the general direction of the car that had hit us. this really tall guy gets out and starts jogging in our general direction. as he passes the driver's side, he calls out

"You shouldn't be driving like that."

$%#@?!

he jogs past, runs into a bunch of trees at the side of the road. i still wasn't thinking clearly, and was extremely naive, because for some reason, i thought he was running to get help. it wasn't until a couple minutes later as these nice people were calling 911 that i realized that we had just been on the receiving side of a hit and run.

the police arrive, and so does this old couple.

apparently, this IDIOT had beat up the old man, took the keys, pushed the old woman out and stole the car.

so he keeps the lights turned off, starts speeding down the stretch of road, and promptly crashes right into us. so hard that both doors on the driver's side of the van couldn't be opened, the glass on the driver's side looked like a spider's web, the middle window was completely shattered, and the back window was swinging off its hinge. the trunk had popped open, an airbag popped out, and a seat inside the van had been slightly squashed. my sister's lucky that she's so skinny because she got shoved right into her armrest.

i got whiplash. if that's what you call it when your neck gets wrenched to the side, and not front and back. i had to get physiotherapy. i... couldn't get up or lie down if i was lying on my back. it's nice, getting a sort of massage, but it's a real time waster.

---------------------------

this was a pretty big deal. being as young as i am, i really haven't been through all that much. i just remember the moment i realized that the driver of the other car wasn't coming back. i think that i just got a lot more pissed at the stupidity of the human race and of human nature, and a lot more suspicious. i'd like to say less naive, but that's probably not true.. hah.

I suppose it all depends on the environments to which we are all exposed. The defining moments in my life have been those where you realise that you are but a mere mortal and that life is way too precious and too short to not be out there enjoying yourself.

1. The first drowning victim's body recovery I was involved in - I was 16
2. The first child drowning victim's body recovery I was involved in - I was 17
3. The first fatal MVA I attended - I was 18
4. The first swift-water rescue I ever did - I was 19
5. The first time any of these things ever made me cry - I was 30. - I think it was probably because I had a child of my own this time and we had just recovered the body of a drowned boy, who was similar age to BM Jnr.

I was involved in a bus crash when I was about 6 and thought it was great fun, because of all the lights and sirens that were around, fortunately there were only minor injuries all round. Maybe that had some subliminal effect on my direction in life?

I recall my first (and hopefully last ever) rollover car accident too. Mate driving - goes to pull out of side street at night - pitch black - truck comes hurtling towards us out of nowhere - no lights on - mate throws wheel around and does full circle loop while accelerating out of the way - car ends up in ditch and rolls onto roof.

Did the truck driver stop? No. Did he see us? I doubt it.

After a minute we all checked to see if we were okay and then had to release ourselves from hanging upside down inour seatbelts. Given my Rescue training, I did try to get the others to do it in a coordinated way - and to take their time, but we all ended up in a mad scramble, falling on top of each other and trying to all get out the same car window at once. Not a good idea if it ever happens to you.

We walked back to another mate's house (no mobile phones back then) and got his Landcruiser to tow the car out of the ditch and set it back on it's wheels. Remarkably it was able to be started and driven - but not very far and as it only cost him $200 - he parked it in the back yard and went and bought another similar model so he could use the old one for spare parts.

LIFE IS TOO SHORT - LIVE WHILE YOU'RE ALIVE - SLEEP WHEN YOU'RE DEAD

Wow! Awwww, that must have been so scary! So glad he pulled through. What a special kid you have there, FTM :)

It's quite scary the little things that happen with a snap of a finger... or could happen.. I remember during one of my seizures, I was standing up and if it wasn't for my sis AJ (acting fast, catching me, and taking care of me), I would have landed head first into the radiator (and you can imagine the injuries that would have come from that..). She likes to remind me that she's my hero. Lol, I think I just did her defining moment for her ;o) (she's very brave and can act fast when she needs to! Puuurfect reflexes, lol)



she truly is your hero! Lol! have you always had seizures?


wow all these stories ...i always thought i was the only one that had a crappy life with so many events happening!

I suppose it all depends on the environments to which we are all exposed. The defining moments in my life have been those where you realise that you are but a mere mortal and that life is way too precious and too short to not be out there enjoying yourself.

1. The first drowning victim's body recovery I was involved in - I was 16
2. The first child drowning victim's body recovery I was involved in - I was 17
3. The first fatal MVA I attended - I was 18
4. The first swift-water rescue I ever did - I was 19
5. The first time any of these things ever made me cry - I was 30. - I think it was probably because I had a child of my own this time and we had just recovered the body of a drowned boy, who was similar age to BM Jnr.





Wow.
BM, those kind of these are just far out of the realm of anything I have been involved with, I'm just......well....wow. I can see why those things can define you.

I know what you mean with number 5. Having children puts a whole new perspective on things. I remember reading a story a few years back about some woman whose little boy died in the car park of the casino (in Melbourne I think). She had left him in the locked car whilst she sat inside feeding the pokies, and it was a hot day.

BC (Before children) I would have thought that that story was awful. When I read it however, I had 3 of my own, and I couldn't really sleep properly for about a week afterwards. All I could think of was this little boy, too young to understand why he was feeling the way he was, too little to know how to help himself, and all the while probably screaming out "mummy" with the absolute certainty that kids have that mummy will be there to make it all better. Yet she didn't come. I kept thinking about what that poor little fellow could be thinking and feeling as his tiny life slipped away, and his mummy didn't come.

OOooh Im getting all teary now just remembering it! Gotta stop typing now.
xx